I'm gonna have a badass scar
Buhtt sex?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize