I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
