Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
