Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
