we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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