just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
