After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
