This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize