in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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