i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
