I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
high people should be assigned attendants
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
