Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
