I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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