____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
