He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
