After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he was CRYING into my vagina
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
