Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
