It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize