Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize