Kiss
Puke
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
