sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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