Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
