I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
