so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
