He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
