I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
