Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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