I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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