Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize