i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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