Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
