it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
