Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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