I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize