just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
