By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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