One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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