My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
