Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
