how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
