i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
