Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
