I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
