my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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