If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
