so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
