I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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