Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
