His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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