mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
