Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and she was petting her beer can
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
