oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
