why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
