At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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