he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
