i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize