My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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