I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
