Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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