I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize