He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
