and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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