You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
